The Last Day of "Normal"

The sun has set, the kids are in bed, our last "normal" day has ended. Tomorrow the journey begins in earnest.

All things considered today was not such a bad day. Watching Andrew run around the new nursery as well as the new sanctuary at Tabernacle was nice. So many people mentioned that if they didn't know he was sick they couldn't even imagine it. I don't know why but that brings me comfort.

This afternoon the elders came by to pray for us and for Andrew. There were several points at which I found myself fighting tears; the hug that was held longer than I expected, the vocalization once again of my fears, the realization that when Frank read the words, "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up," he was talking about my boy, the tears of one elder while he prayed. I wonder how many ways I can think of to say the word 'wrong'... not enough I'd wager.  I've found that one of my chief struggles this past week has been what faith looks like in this situation. This disease is pushing against my safe but stunted world of hedged bets in which I ride the fence keeping one foot in the land of faith and one in the land of effort. So I find myself wanting to hope in God's work to entirely erase this tumor from existence but I also don't want to look foolish for hoping or have to deal with disappointment. It is quite the predicament, as you can imagine. 

Tonight I am trying hard to have a reckless faith and let the chips fall where they may in the days to come. Saying that though I understand now in a way that I never could before the heart of the man who comes to Jesus to see his child healed professing his belief while also confessing his unbelief. It is a kind of desperation that says, "I believe Jesus. I believe you can heal and if I don't believe enough, can you help me believe more? Whatever it takes, whatever I have to do I will do it." 

Tomorrow we head to the hospital at 4pm. they will put Andrew on an IV after dinner and get him ready for his procedures in the morning. Tuesday morning will see both an MRI and a biopsy. Because of the location of the tumor he will need a chest tube for a while after the biopsy. Should he heal up before the results come back we could be sent home again. If the results are quick then we could move right into treatment. For those of you praying, please continue. The glory and beauty of the story that the Bible tells is that the God who created all things is intimately involved in His creation still, acting in time and space out of love. May our mighty king, Jesus, work even tonight to reverse the curse and defeat this enemy for us.