A Mother's Touch

"Mommy! No...no...no...." Andrew is crying out in the middle of the night in our hospital room. "Shhhhh, baby it is okay" I say. His breathing calms and he goes right back to sleep after hearing my voice.
  At 5am I hear his little voice again, "Mommy? Where are you? I can't see you?" I rise up off my air mattress to rub his head and cuddle him. "Mommy is right here with you my sweet Drew-boy." Again, he quiets with a smile and goes back to sleep.
 I am amazed at the peace my words can bring to a little man that is disoriented or scared. There are days as a mother that I just question what difference I am making. The time, energy, and sacrifice I make only to crash into bed at night wondering where the day went and what I did. The sun rises and we begin again. But here with Andrew in the hospital it is very different. He wants closeness, comfort, and reassurance that at times only his mommy can bring.
 He came out of surgery yesterday and the docs called Rick and I to go sit with him until he woke up. When we arrived he was sleeping so peaceful. We just talked to him quietly and waited.  However, once that medication wore off he became restless and fitful. "Mommy, I need mommy. Mommy, hold me. Mommy hold me" is all he kept saying. He was scared, disoriented and all he wanted was him mom. I scooped him in my arms very carefully (and nauseous because God has given poor Andrew a mother that is very queezy around blood and needles) and put him on my lap. He settled almost instantly with his momma's singing and hugs.
 This has already been the hardest journey a mother can go through. To hear the words TUMOR from the doctor and know that at that moment I had lost all control of my life and schedule. My little boy was very sick and I had to place him in the hands of others that could heal him. I have been so used to being the one to bandage boo-boos, dry tears, and make the pain go away. But here I feel so helpless and numb. In order for my baby to get better they have to make him feel worse. They have to cut, poke, prod, jostled, wake up, and bother him to make sure his cancer goes away. And I sit back and let them. My heart breaks. My head spins with light headedness. My world has stopped in many ways. But I am still his mommy and my job has changed for him in some ways. The sweet news is is that in some ways it hasn't. I am still the one he wants to comfort him. To hold him. To remind him in the darkness that I am still there with him walking through this trial. I would do anything for this sweet son of mine.
  As my precious Drew boy was recovering in his room last night, after a fitful evening.  we were sitting with the nurse checking his vitals. He seemed to be a feeling a little better and wanted his apple juice. As the nurse gave him his cup, he looked at her and said, 'This is my friend Mommy." His spirit is so sweet and his "friend Mommy" will be by his side through this entire battle. He is a strong fighter with an amazing attitude. I will let the doctors, nurses, surgeons, oncologists, and residents do their job and I will keep doing my job...offering him a mommy's touch.