My Isaac

 We met wtih the surgeon this morning. He is a fantastic, older man. He knows his stuff and is wonderful with Andrew. Andrew warmed right up to him and included him in his "Toy Story" imaginative play. As Andrew played by his side, Dr. Rodgers proceeded to fill Rick and I in on the surgery details. We will check Andrew in on Tuesday (we will not know the time until Monday). Dr. Rodgers will cut probably a 6 inch cut on his side. He will spread his ribs and move muscle tissue around in order to find the beast that hides within. We thought originally this surgery would be orthoscopic, but the size of the tumor and the way it sits doesn't seem to lend itself to that type of surgery. Andrew will have another chest tube put in for healing and we will be in the hospital for at least 5 days. But, after this, our cancer battle will be pretty much done. This is great news. Rick looked at me smiling in the office and I proceeded to say, "This surgery is going to be awful." Confused, Rick asked how in the world I had gotten that from what the doctor said. This procedure is clear cut, not very scarring, and successful at removing the tumor. Sure he will be sore, but if this is all he really suffers from from cancer isn't this good news? I think for me it is just reminding me more of my letting go.
 I am having to let go of my son to the hands of more doctors. He will be taken from us for at least 3 hours and cut into. He will be monitored and carefully watched as they insert things into his tiny body. This doctor has done this over and over, but I still have to let Andrew go as well as the outcome. I am not fearing for his life as Abraham in the Bible feared for his son Isaac's, but it still is weighty on a mother's heart. Not many two year olds have to go through this. The comforting thoughts for me come more from the greater power that holds Andrew's hand and his body than the surgeon. His God and mine will be with him every minute we are apart. God will be the one guiding the surgeon's hand and bringing Andrew through the surgery. As I have grown closer to this God, I am believing more that He can be trusted. I am not sure exactly how this day will go, but I do know I find peace in this great fact.
  Besides His Word, God also chose to show me His love in three very tangible ways today. As my mind was racing on the way home from the hospital (we were there 1 1/2 longer than we thought...surprise, surprise!!), I then began thinking of my other kids. They needed to eat, drink, use the bathroom, take naps, and just feel settled. We were way past their normal routine hours and I of course began to worry about this schedule. On the way home, I called my dear friend who lives right behind Madi's school and asked her if she would mind picking Madi up since I was running way behind. A dear friend from church had Luke and Becca and she took the liberty of feeding them lunch and having them ready for me as I pulled in the driveway. As I drove from her house to my friend's to pick up Madi I was still frazzled from the day. I hadn't eaten and I still had over 45 minutes ahead of me with all my tired, some hungry children. I pulled up at my friend's house and she opened the door for my mini daycare of children, hugged me in her arms and fed us. She entertained my kids, put shoes back on, and helped us settle back in the car for our journey home. She didn't ask anything of us. We interrupted her schedule and made a mess in her home and she just loved us...well. My kids had a mini playdate with her daughter and were much happier after having bellies full, bladders emptied, and a calmer, well fed mother. Then as I entered my house with bundles of kids' things in my arms, I hit the answering machine button only to hear another lovely voice on the message. It was from a lady I have only seen once. She has committed to bringing at least one meal a month to our family, but has been bringing one to freeze each time she comes. She writes me notes each week reminding me she is praying specifically for me and brings goodies for my kids to create with. Today she left a message just saying she was thinking of me and had been praying for my heart today in her quiet time. She just had a peace and love about her voice as she spoke. Again, I have never given this lady anything. She loves me just because she has chosen to and asks nothing in return. Amazing grace!! The third tangible evidence of God today was an email that I got right before I finally blopped my fourth little on in his crib. It was from a new friend in the church. We have really only gotten together once with our families before this whole cancer thing hit. However, she has called, cleaned my house, driven me to the hospital, offered her children's video games to us and just checked up on me. In the email she reminded me of the victories are being won in our family right now. The small accomplishments that we are achieving and the lifelong lessons we are teaching our children through this time. At the end, she said if I were in the military I would receive a medal for the battle I am fighting now and the honor it is bringing to my family. Those words just spoke to my weary heart. I don't need to be noticed in all this, but man those words really made me feel special. They reminded me that all this is worth it and God sees each act Rick and I are doing for our kids. These four ladies today gave of themselves, their time, their schedules and they loved me and my family well. They asked nothing in return, as with some I offered to at least clean up my children's messes. But they served us and reminded me especially that God loves to show us kindness. My heart has been captivated once again by His mercy and strength.
       Please be praying for our family. Pray for our weekend...that we would have fun and just enjoy life each moment. Please pray for this surgery on Tuesday. Pray for the surgeon's hand and that he can get even the entire tumor out. Pray for Andrew's healing and that it won't be a long healing process. Also, please pray for our family...the girls and their transition while we are away, my parents and their travel up this weekend, and our time in the hospital. Love to you all.