Before and After

 I did something silly the other day. Luke had broken a fruit plate all over the floor. After cleaning up the pieces and reassuring the kids that it was okay, I proceeded to dump the them in the trash. Some time went by and I came downstairs to make a casserole for dinner. As I was cleaning up the mess on the counter, I took some things over to the trash. It appeared full, so I without hesitating, I pushed the trashed down with full weight, forgetting the glass inside. I pierced a hole right below my thumb and have since had to readjust to doing things with one hand. As I was upstairs that night checking my email, it dawned on me that the last time I had checked it, only a few hours earlier, I didn't have my "boo-boo." I started thinking about how quickly a life can change with an accident or traumatic news or a joyful occasion like the birth of a baby. My cut, although fairly minimal, had changed my plans and my abilities for that evening.

  This event also began my thinking again to this time last year. Madi was about to turn five and we would celebrate at a local bakery with a princess theme and a few friends. The Christmas cards had been sent, most of the gifts bought, and the second advent candle had been lit. Everything was going along as "planned." This time last year we had no idea what was about to hit our family. We had no idea that Andrew's cough was more than infection.

  As December 22nd approaches, a day that will forever be etched in our memory, Rick and I are faced with many different emotions. We of course are so joyful to have another Christmas with our precious Andrew. We rejoice in God's healing and His faithfulness. However, we also find certain songs bringing us quickly to tears. Pulling out Christmas decorations that I had so fervently stashed away two days before Andrew's long stay in the hospital brought about some feelings of rage and indifference. At one point I wanted to throw it all out the window and forget Christmas. Our lives were changed last year as individuals and as a family. The "dreaded" date approaches and so many memories come flooding back into my head. But time will not stop. We will get there and we will survive. We will mourn the loss of "innocence" that was taken from our boy that day and rejoice in the amazing beauty that came from the ashes. We will hold each other a little tighter and be thankful, Lord willing, that we have nowhere we have to be after Christmas.

  Before and After. Many of Rick and I's conversations have referred to "before Andrew had cancer" or "after we made it through his treatments." Our lives refer to this time period because although it feels like ages ago at times, it was only last year that we lived it.

  And we are amazed at where we are now. Before Andrew had cancer, I had never felt the love of God or His people like I have this year. Before Andrew had cancer, I didn't have a beautifully made blanket by a friend to keep me warm or some new Christmas decorations given in care packages. I wasn't as close to my parents or my sister-in-law and her family. Before Andrew had cancer, I thought I was somewhat in control of life and what happened to my family. I believed I knew how things would bring deeper character. Before it, I believed I would never survive the news of a family member having a tumor, let alone make it to the other side. I didn't have a new friendship that began with meals and has blossomed into real life. Before Andrew had cancer, I had never been more terrified of losing something so dear and so relieved when God decided I could keep him. I have learned to pray more and trust more in my heavenly Father rather than myself.

 Our family has made it to the other side. This year we didn't just survive, but we flourished. We became stronger, more dependent, hopefully more thankful people. It has been a wild year and we will give praise once again to the little baby that came at Christmas and is mighty to save!

     Below are two Christmas pictures. The first one is our "before" taken last Christmas and the next one is our "after" taken this Christmas season! Merry Christmas to you and your families!