Happy New Year?

We were awake at midnight, but we certainly didn't want to be. We're not really sure whether to welcome the new year or not, whether to say goodbye to 2009 or not. The end of 2009 has been pretty rough but the next year presents many difficulties as well. Many things have become clearer but the road ahead isn't looking easy. Here is what we know.

As I said yesterday, the cancer has been upgraded to a stage three which hasn't taken him out of the intermediate risk category. The pathology did come back that it is a neuroblastoma but a very mature one which means that it is not aggressive. Best guess from the oncologist before the bone scan is that we will probably to four cycles of chemo beginning as soon as Tuesday afternoon (depending on the bone scan) then surgery. If the doctors feel confident that they have gotten all of the tumor and cleaned it all out we wouldn't need any more chemo. If not it would probably be three or four more treatments. Total time with chemo, surgery, recovery, etc would probably be 8-10 months.

In the grand scheme of things 8-10 months isn't bad; cancer treatments can go on for years. At the same time this is a daunting schedule for us. We feel overwhelmed at the thought of three to four days a month being lived in this hospital as well as all the changes we will need to put in at home. The thoughts of then having to return to the hospital should his white blood cell count drop even during those spans at home, of living in an ultra sanitized house, living as single parents with the rest of our kids, constantly being torn in two between our home and Charlottesville; it feels like a large mountain to climb.

The other big story from today is that Andrew is done with this place. Up to this point our little boy has been completely compliant as people have poked, prodded, and pulled him every which way. Today however his tolerance seems to be up. He is feeling better with less pain, which means that he wants to get down from this infernal crib and run around, but he can't because of the chest tube. Today a doctor came in who needed to test to see if the tumor is having any effect on a group of nerves that deal with a small strip of skin that runs along his rib cage. She tried to just touch him but Andrew's answer to every question these days is "uh huh"... so the best way to test is by pricking him. With the first prick he did fine, with the second he started to get agitated. With the third prick he was in full on ticked off mode. No one reading this has probably experienced this with our boy but when he gets mad Andrew holds his breath. We're not talking a little holding but a full on, blue lips, mad-fest. This particular display is becoming slightly more regular... he's done.

This particular post has taken me a couple hours to write between doctors coming in, nurses beginning to teach us how to care for the central line, phone calls, etc. Over the course of that time we have begun feeling a little more encouraged. 2010 is going to look much different than 2009. There will be many trips to the hospital, a lot of hand sanitizer, and probably a lot of tears, but not everything will change. Even if everything else changes the one thing that won't is the presence and care of Jesus. Through His body, the Church, and through His Spirit we have felt supported and cared for. The new world that Jesus will bring with His return is one without disease, one without pain, one without death. That is the world that we long for, but it is not this world. This world is one where we struggle and suffer but we do so not in a state of abandonment, but in fellowship with One who is acquainted with our suffering because He suffered. He bore the weight of the brokenness of this world, our brokenness. He bore our corruption and our guilt. He is the one that we have fellowship with in the midst of all this and we are experiencing that even right now because of the prayers of the saints. Thank you for upholding us.